Feeling Disconnected and what I think it means

Sometimes its all you can do to get up and get to work on time.  When people ask you how you are, and you don't really have any emotional connection to the answer.  I have been feeling this way for the last little while, and it can be quite disconcerting, mostly because I don't like being assaulted by my emotions without notice. When I kick myself out of my body and forget to acknowledge my feelings my body has a way of getting me to come back and pay attention! It is my stomach, who is my #1 tattle teller. My stomach lets me know in one way or the other that something is not quite right and I need to pay attention!  Take today for instance, I decide to get up prepare my lunch and get to work mostly on time, and then it all starts to unravel. I realize that I have been holding alot of stuff back, and the most minor thing at work sets my stomach into knots.  The first thing I can think of that I have been holding back my emotion about is that its my little boys birthday coming up on Saturday and we celebrate him every year even though he is no longer with us in this life.  It is always a hard thing, every year, and even the years that things are going well, I still find myself not wanting to feel the pain and hurt again, and just focus on the good and positive. Its not that easy, especially when the pain is so personal and private, I especially don't want to acknowledge it, and feel it openly. It is also the 6 month anniversary of my Dad's passing and my Dr specifically said that the 6 month mark can be hard, so of course knowing this, I just expect it to be, I wait for it to be hard, and then when it is, I am somehow surprised when I am feeling sad.  Someday I want to be able to take the entire month of April off of work and do something every day that is meaningful, and rewarding and clearing.  I know that I can do something right now, even if it is just breathing, and kicking my shoes off and being ok with whatever I can do today, it is good, being present with myself and fully accepting myself with all my quirks and seeing myself as perfectly human.. knowing that where there are sad times, happy times are right around the corner, and even in the happy times, its still okay to feel sad once in awhile, but most of all being okay with whatever is happening now ... is the best feeling of all..