I hide

I hide inside myself with no glimmer of emotion- except pain and sorrow cleverly disguised as anger, hatred and rage.

Pushing the door closed with all my might- as those closest to me devise new ways to prop the door open while I'm not looking. Wanting to keep me suspended in beauty and familiarity rather than see my ugliness.

The ugliness only I know, that threatens me at every turn, to show off its gnarly features, and finally expose my inner and outer beauty; my God spark as a fraud.

This ugliness; eager to step in as the nature of my true self; this deformed creature with shame and vile emotion cleverly disguised as love.

I long to trust- trust that the outside world can look beyond the flaws; believe that they see a beauty that I can't see; and promise not to run at the first site of morbidity.

I'm not a Monster, I'm just a girl.

A girl trapped in her own head, and demented patterns of shameful glances and distorted views. Who's easily distracted and readily categorized by those who know her best.

Its only the strangers who see her for who she is.
Its in strangers where she finds comfort, acceptance and warmth. Safe behind walls of anonymity and carefully crafted persona's. Keeping the girl screaming behind dungeon walls; damp dark and foreboding - her strained and failing voice making a safe reverberation.

Secure in the knowing; that the persistent wailing will only be heard by the body that encapsulates her.